As part of the A to Z Challenge, my theme is autism. I’m taking advantage of the fact that April is Autism Awareness Month… it just seemed a perfect fit! So moving on with today… M is for The Meltdown vs. The Tantrum.
The meltdown is common characteristic among those with autism or sensory issues. It is loud, scary, potentially dangerous and quite exhausting for all involved. Meltdowns are not to be confused with tantrums. There are definite differences between the two if you know what to look for.
A tantrum would generally begin by a child asking for something, for example, food or a toy. If the parent refuses, a tantrum can follow with actions like stomping their feet, kicking, screaming or crying. If a parent gives in to the tantrum, it ends quickly and the child wins learning how to get what they want.
A meltdown, though it may look similar to a tantrum, is a result of the child being over stimulated or under stimulated by their environment. It may be the lighting, the crowds, the noise or any number of other possibilities. They may also occur as a result from a want that is not being met. However, unlike the tantrum, a parent giving in does not end a meltdown.
Let’s look at an example situation. You are on a shopping trip with your child and they want a chocolate bar that they see in the store. You don’t allow your child to have the chocolate bar and the tantrum/meltdown ensues.
Is it a Tantrum?
If the child is experiencing a tantrum, he/she will manipulate the situation to attain their goal. They will be aware of whether or not their ‘performance’ is gaining attention. During the tantrum, the child will be sure that despite their actions, they do not hurt themselves. In the end, if the parent gives in to calm the situation down, the tantrum will stop.
Is it a Meltdown?
If the child is experiencing a meltdown, he/she is unable to deal with the feelings involved with having their request refused. The meltdown escalates to a point that the desired goal is no longer of any importance. The child will not be aware of anyone around them and they do not care how they look or how others feel. Ensuring your child’s safety is of utmost importance as they will be unaware of their safety and potential dangers. They have lost complete control. If a parent was to buy the chocolate bar to calm the situation, the meltdown will not stop as it needs to run its course and will slowly wind down. The child will likely need help trying to regain his/her composure.
It’s a difficult part of living with autism, and most parents that do, know exactly what it feels like. It’s also one of the most common times that, as a parent, bystanders offer their so-called parenting advice. If you see a parent struggling with these types of behaviours, most times, the best thing you can do is just move on. Standing and staring or offering your ‘advice’ doesn’t help the situation and, in the heat of the moment, you may end up getting some advice of your own. Though parents of children on the spectrum generally have a thick skin, it still hurts when others criticize our children or our parenting skills.
Great explanation with examples. We had a tantrum this afternoon at lunch. When daughter realized that mom was not giving in to the ice cream request before she ate her lunch, she started the crying. At the restaurant, we had lots of looks. But she settled down in about a minute without getting her demand. Though my mother-in-law was uncomfortable with my choice to let it pass, my daughter learned that she is not in control, and the tantrum ceased.
Her meltdowns occur when she has missed her regular nap time. No amount of persuasion will end the actions until she gets her crib. Though my daughter is not on the spectrum, the tantrums and meltdowns are still present. Another great post!
It’s certainly hard to watch them be upset, but in the long run it’s best to ignore it 🙂 Yes, being tired can sure be a trigger for meltdowns – been there for sure!
Absolutely, definitely don’t need to be on the spectrum to having meltdowns! The tantrums too, they will usually outgrow… meltdowns, depending on the child, they may never outgrow 🙁
Thanks for sharing your experiences Tracy!
Great distinction between the two, thanks for sharing. I heard a mother say last week that when her child was winging out someone approached the mother and asked her if there was anything they could do to support her.
Nice. visiting from a to z
Thankyou… it’s hard, usually there isn’t much that anyone else can do. In my experience, if people are going to say something at that time it’s not usually very civil. Nice that on that occasion it was a positive remark/support. Thanks for visiting & sharing!
Great explanation. I hope more people start to understand.
me too! thanks for visiting 🙂
This is a very clear explanation of the differences between the two. I have certainly seen both of these a number of times!
thanks for visiting kylie 🙂
I can’t even imagine the difficulties involved with a child on the spectrum. It must be so hard on both the parents and children.
Thanks for visiting Misha! It is a challenge, but unfortunately a number of the challenges stem from the fact that society as a whole is very unaccepting of those that do not fit the ‘norm’. With awareness (which is why I am trying to do my part), we all hope that things will change for the better 🙂
Some meltdowns can be severe due to Immature Adrenaline Systems Overreactivity (IASO). IASO is itself not a mental illness and is not necessarily a direct component part of autism. Rather, autism, bipolar and other mental illnesses can set the stage for this condition. Even some people with no mental illness diagnosis can experience IASO.
There is a new, safer (non-psych drugs) treatment published for IASO. Search for the book (or website) Hope for the Violently Aggressive Child by Doctor Ralph Ankenman for more information.
appreciate the information 🙂
cheers