1. Are you sure he/she has autism? He/she seems fine to me!
I was unaware that you were actually a medical doctor! Congratulations! Wish I had known so that I didn’t have to go through the two year wait to get a diagnosis through my child’s physician. Oh, you’re not a doctor… were you aware that autism is a spectrum disorder? This means simply, that each individual on the spectrum is not going to show the same symptoms as another. If you’ve met ONE person on the autism spectrum, you’ve done just that… met ONE person on the autism spectrum.
2. Your child just needs proper discipline!
Proper discipline will stop my child from having autism and any related behaviours? A time out will mean that his/her sensory issues will disappear? WOW, where was I when this news bulletin came out? Seriously people?!? Do you really think that when a child on the spectrum has a meltdown that a time out is going to solve the issue? May I redirect you to an earlier post that I did explaining the difference between a meltdown and a temper tantrum…. read that and then we’ll talk!
3. Your child needs to be medicated.
This is truly a very personal decision! There are NO medications specifically for autism. There are medications that MAY offer some benefit with symptoms (such as impulse control and focus), but this is for each family to weigh the risks and the benefits. Some of the medications that are prescribed for children on the spectrum have EXTREME health risks. If you haven’t thoroughly researched the options available to families dealing with autism, it’s best to just keep your opinion to yourself!
4. If you knew he/she might have a meltdown, why did you come here?
Do you really want to go there? So should I just lock my doors and never go out again? Does my child not have the right to be out in public? Did you know that you MIGHT walk out the door and get hit by a bus?… perhaps you should stay home! Believe me, no autism parent wants to have to deal with behaviours out in public… it’s exhausting and incredibly stressful! Saying something like this is truly pure ignorance… and I can almost guarantee there will be some backlash!
5. Aren’t there special schools/programs for children like that?
Have you heard of integration? There is no better way for ALL children to learn about acceptance than to spend time together… that could be in school or just a social environment. Sure, there can be some benefit for children with autism participating in programs that focus on their needs… but they are not meant to segregate them from the rest of society!
6. Have you tried what Jenny McCarthy did?
Oh, which thing is that? Posing nude?… Creating so much fear among society that parents are choosing to not vaccinate their children?… Or are you speaking about the fact that she apparently cured her son of autism? There are NO cures for autism! There are many other diagnosis that have symptoms which mimic autism… if you are able to cure your child of autism, there may be a good chance that it wasn’t autism in the first place. NOTE: I am not saying vaccines cause autism… nor am I saying that they don’t contribute… so please don’t jump all over this statement!!
7. Autism is over diagnosed.
Autism isn’t over diagnosed! Autism also isn’t the ‘diagnosis of the month’! Changing the diagnostic manual so that the numbers seem lower isn’t going to make it go away! It is alive and well all over the world! 1 in 88 children have autism… and my son is one of them. Did you know that those statistics are based on findings from about four years ago… so the statistics would really be much higher today!
8. You poor thing… it’s such a shame!
Thanks for the pity! It really helps me feel good and get through my day! Thanks so much for your words of encouragement! Next time, why not ask a parent a question about autism? Most of us love to share a little autism awareness to help you better understand and leave us a little more informed than you were when you first said something!
9. Will he/she be able to go to college, get married or hold down a job?
Good question… unfortunately I can’t predict the future! Will your child be able to?
10. You should take more time for yourself!
I should… you’re right! Are you offering to babysit? I’d sure love to go to a movie or something that isn’t rated G!!
Everyone who has a child with autism has had to deal with the stares, comments and lack of understanding. It comes with the job! When you deal with it all the time, you learn to ignore ignorant people!
As a word of warning, statements like these will be ignored by some parents and cause others to bite your head off. If you don’t want to take that risk, it’s best to keep your thoughts to yourself. Never assume, that just because a child is having a behavioural problem, that it is related to bad parenting!
I love that post !!! You have me laughing because I am an autism parent and stuff like that happens all the time… Thanks for sharing!
glad you enjoyed it! we have all heard them for sure… and i find it easiest to get through the tough times by having a good laugh! thanks for stopping by 🙂
Makes my day seem like a walk in the park though it was filled with activity and my toddler missing her nap. She struggled with two small meltdowns that lasted less than a minute each, but she quickly recovered after a hug and snuggle with her blanket. 🙂
LOL – it’s surprising how many people feel the need to offer their advice on parenting 🙂 gotta love a hug and snuggle with a blanket!
Love, love, love this post! Here’s another one. Someone actually said this to me after I told her that my daughter was still having seizures. “well, there’s medication for that”!
My daughter has had uncontrolled untreatable seizures for 11 years! Or how about this one “have you prayed about it”. Gee, no the thought never crossed my mind!
LOL – thanks for sharing! As frustrating as it is at the time, I try to look back and laugh (as much as I can) at people and their ignorance… or lack of understanding… it really isn’t funny in reality, but if we don’t laugh at it, it’s much harder to live with!
glad you stopped by sylvia! have a great day!
I love your attitude. I am relatively new to autism and even newer to blogging so I am still sort of looking for my voice but I know this post reached me on so many levels!
Thanks
thank you shanell. i don’t always have that attitude, but when i’m feeling frustrated i look back at some of these posts that i do write and it always makes me feel better lol! i really appreciate you stopping by and if you ever want to chat… one autism parent to another… c’mon over!! 🙂 have an amazing day!!
Thanks for this post. I seriously want to print this out on little laminated cards and just hand it out if anyone says anything (or just looks like they’re thinking “What a horrible parent”).
hahahaha – thanks! had replied to your twitter comment that i had a friend that suggested i should do the same thing. think i may just get it all put on a shirt!! for me it is the most frustrating thing having to deal with ‘society’ when i am trying to deal with my son. have you seen the autism cards… you can actually laminate those and hand them out!!! appreciate you stopping by and thanks for the follow on twitter! have a great day 🙂
I love this post so much, and share it with parents new to the diagnosis. Some of my “favorites” over the years: I thought only boys were autistic (Oh my gosh, really?! She must have been misdiagnosed!); She’s just shy. You should make her participate in so she gets over it. That’s what I did for my kids and it worked. (How wonderful for you. How about you take her and tell me how much fun it is holding her while she cries and screams and shakes and vomits?!); It’s just a phase, she’ll outgrow i.t (Oh well gee, I am so glad to hear that! She’s almost 11 so when will this phase magically end?) Sometimes you just have to smile and move on 🙂
LOL – Thanks Denise! I love your ‘favourites’!! Oh, yes, the ‘it’s a phase’!! HAHAHA – I truly feel that you hit it right on the button with saying that you sometimes need to smile and move on. I’ve wasted more energy getting upset at these stupid questions/comments/parenting tips… I try not to do it anymore. Now, if I really can come back with a ‘witty’ response that might make them feel… oh, perhaps a little guilty for making such a comment… I sure don’t hesitate! LOL Enjoy your day 🙂
Very good article. My wife and I have a ten year old with autism. Most people -both those we know as well as strangers in public places- are pretty cool and comments like these are few and far between. My LEAST favorite of all of them is easily #3. All ten of these are the work of busy bodies with too much time on their hands……but at least the other nine are SPECIFIC, albeit rude. “Your child needs to be medicated ” is as bad as the others with the additional annoyance of being so vague and open ended, so difficult to even address. Which “medication?” How much? In what combinations? We’ve tried them all. The only “result” we’ve seen is a digression in one or two things he actually did WELL. As you said, there’s no magic bullet for autism. If the other nine comments are warfare on autistic parents, #3 is guerrilla warfare on us.
Thanks Dave. We are the same way – most are pretty good but every so often we get one of those zingers that just leave me stunned! Appreciate you sharing your experiences… it’s funny how we all seem to hear the same things! Think society needs to come up with some new questions/statements! LOL I really do try to look at the lighter side of it all, but it can sometimes be challenging to deal with. And meds… yeah, that’s a tough one and a very personal one as well. Wishing you all the best! 🙂